Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
