Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
