So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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