i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
