I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
