oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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