Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Be still, my beating vagina.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
