We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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