I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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