Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
