we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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