The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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