I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This is my gift to your gina
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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