bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
