Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
