I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
