Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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