Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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