is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
