I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
