It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
