I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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