i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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