put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
