On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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