Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
