No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
