This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
