I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
