Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
