I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
