I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
