i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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