even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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