Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
