I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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