rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
