You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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