Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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