Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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