Define "chronic" masturbator.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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