Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
