i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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