Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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