non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
