I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
