SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
