Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
