New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
