I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
