Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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