if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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