If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
