I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
